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parentsCan you believe that after all of this time (6 months) I STILL kick myself for not staying at my parent’s house the day my daddy died.   Each time I stumble upon the picture of him right before he died, I am taken back to that decision I made.

Oh to have a do-over.

That day my sister and I had been out shopping to find something for our mother to wear to daddy’s funeral.  We knew daddy would die soon, but we had NO IDEA it would be that very day.  We came back and filled the room with laughter.   Our cousin Sarah and her husband Ken were visiting daddy (which was such a blessing).   At this point my daddy really couldn’t communicate with us.   I had teased him about an hour before he died and said, “I’m sure daddy has seen enough of me” (since I had been there at least every other day for the past 10 years) and he managed to mumble out, “Never enough.”  Sigh … what a precious gift.

My sister was the first person to leave … then my cousin left.   Selfishly I thought that if I left I would actually have an hour to myself before I needed to pick up my daughter from a friend’s house.

WHY DIDN’T I STAY?

I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to stay, but I dismissed His voice and decided it was just guilt.  Surely it was the same guilt that attacked me each time I left their home.

I hugged and kissed my parents.   I told my daddy, “I love you daddy.  I’ll see you again soon.”   Sigh … well, those words were fulfilled for sure.

All of the way home I kept feeling like I needed to turn around.  I couldn’t shake it.   The second I walked in my door I said out loud, “Lord, do I need to turn around and go back?”   The moment I said that, my phone rang to say that daddy had died.  I was 15 minutes away from being there when he died.

Why did God want me to stay?

What would I have seen?!?!?!

I feel like there was a reason I was supposed to STAY.

Argh.   That question will probably always be on my mind.

STAY.

Today I am linking with Lisa Jo for her 5 Minute Friday party.  She provides the prompt and we write for 5 minutes to see what comes out.  Today’s prompt is:  STAY.

Please click on her button below:

Five Minute Friday