I know how it feels

fluffyhuggedI wanted to be a mother my entire life.  As most little girls, I had baby dolls and was trained how to hold, nurture, and care for them.

After my husband and I had been married two years, we decided we wouldn’t do anything to prevent pregnancy.   Years and many tears passed us by.   It wasn’t until 13 years later would our precious daughter be born!   Immediately, the pain of yearning for a child was suddenly washed away.

When I finally had a moment alone with her in the hospital room, I lifted her little gown and kissed her on her tummy.  Immediately I felt something go SWOOSH into the depth of my belly.  Something holy happened at that moment.  I will never forget it.

She is a mama’s girl for sure and I am grateful!

I haven’t forgotten what God has done for me.  Sometimes when I drop her off at school and see her walking away, I cry — thanking God for gift of knowing how it feels to be a mom.  I haven’t forgotten to thank Him.

MamaApril23This year also marks my first Mother’s Day without my mom.   It actually feels surreal, as if it has been years ago since last year took place.   I recently experienced what I will call a vision where I saw my parents in heaven.  For whatever reason, I didn’t speak to them and my daddy didn’t say anything, but my mom did all of the talking.   God did even more healing in my heart from what was said — but I share this to say that I feel peace.  I’m not emotional about her not being here.   (This is the last picture I had made with her.  This was taken April 2012.  Daddy died in May and she died in June.)

Peace

I have always disliked the Mother’s Day and Father’s Day holidays because I remember the years of feeling embarrassed at church when I knew others were feeling sorry for me.   I remember way back in the day when I was in a traditional church and sat up in the choir loft.  The mothers were asked to stand, so literally — I would be one of the few women left sitting (mostly with the college students).  The young kids passing out the Mother’s Day gifts would stop at me with a look of confusion and give me a gift anyway.   Sigh.  Yes, I remember what it felt like to yearn for a child to love and call my own.   My heart goes out to those of you who are in that position and I will remember to pray for you this weekend.

No matter what your position is on this weekend dedicated to Mothers, remember who you are in Christ!  That is the most important role of all!

Have a blessed day!

 

2 Responses to I know how it feels
  1. Barbie
    May 14, 2013 | 3:26 am

    I am thankful God blessed you with your princess! And thankful God has given you peace about your parents passing. I know what healing dreams and visions can do in our hearts. So grateful God did this for you!

  2. Cassandra Carter
    May 15, 2013 | 4:47 pm

    Beautifully said.

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