For those of us who have been married for many years … wouldn’t it be great to grab newly wedded women and share everything we have learned?  Aren’t we supposed to do things like this anyway?

Titus 2:3-5
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

So here is my advice to any younger women who might stumble upon this post.

1.  RESPECT your husband.  I know, that sounds so old-fashioned, but God’s Word calls us to do it.

Ephesians 5:33
Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

God calls men to love and us to respect.   As a woman, we may think that we are just stroking a man’s ego and making his pride bigger (creating a monster).  But really men are easily bruised in that area and they need to know that their wives are their biggest cheerleaders.  Again, I’m a work in process — but if you can grab onto this understanding in your early years you will be light-years ahead of the others.

Sometimes asking us to RESPECT our husbands can be a tall order — especially if he treats you poorly or makes bad choices.   But if you aren’t in an abusive relationship (where you should escape), then definitely chew on this scripture and see if there are areas in your life where you aren’t being respectful.

I STILL find myself being disrespectful — even if it is through sarcasm.  The Holy Spirit is gently reminding me and I am trying.

Years ago my husband and I started a bad habit of cutting each other with our words and kind-of joking while doing it.  But the words were still there.   I’m sure a lot of damage was done over those years, but God has been faithful to bring us together tighter than ever as we age.

2.  God usually places us with people who will create our own hurts or issues to come to the surface.   As a young bride it is easy to see HIS faults and to list everything HE does wrong.   Seriously, when young women marry they don’t realize that they are actually taking on another woman’s son and often picking up where she left off.    This can often magnify root issues (due to resentment) that might raise their ugly little heads.

Please take this advice from a woman who has been married 23 years.   WORK ON YOUR OWN ISSUES WITH GOD.  It never fails — the very things your husband might do to drive you up a wall are the very areas where you need to stop and ask the Lord to show you the condition of your own heart.    My husband has been the catalyst for great healing in my own life over the years.  He is unaware of it, but I’m telling you the truth.

See yourself as a stone with sharp edges.   As you surrender to the Lord in EVERY area of your marriage — eventually you will become softer.

3.  Do NOT have close male friends.   Don’t get me wrong, I have guy friends — but I also have safe boundaries (NOW).  I haven’t always listened to Wisdom.   Warning my sisters!  Warning!  Satan will ALWAYS plant a charmer in your path to tell you everything you ever wanted to hear from your own husband.   It is a trap!   Don’t chat with men on the phone, instant messages, texts, etc …  if you’re married.  Keep your male friendships out in public where there is no opening for a spirit of lust or an unholy soul-tie to form.    You will save yourself a lot of heartache if you keep healthy boundaries.

Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

4.  Marriages need a lot of communication.   I can’t say that we have conquered that one, but of course we are always a work in process.  Right?  But if you can start off in the beginning with great lines of communication — you will be on a healthy path.   In our marriage, my husband is the talker.  I find myself listening to others most of the time.   I rarely get a chance to share my feelings (so I write them down and record them for whoever reads).   I usually have so many emotions and feelings I’d love to share with my husband, but I don’t think he has ever even considered asking me about my feelings since men aren’t wired that way.   But that is a BIG area where a lot of couples struggle.

5.  Ministry.  Please don’t place ministry before your husband or your children.  Should God come first in your life?  YES.  But there is a big difference between loving God and loving your ministry.  I have been there and done that.  I pray I will have much more balance from now on.  The pendulum went way too far to the right and now it is way too far to the left.    I went from too much to being leery of committing again, so I hope to land in the middle when I do decide to test the waters.    My husband was always asking me to quit the music and prayer ministries.   Now that I have, I am sitting back and following his lead.

No matter what younger women, seek God in all things.  He knows the cries of your heart AND He hears the cries of your husband’s heart.

I pray this has helped someone today.   Thank you for visiting me!

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