Some of you may remember a post I wrote recently about the children’s version of Hinds’ Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.
I had NO IDEA how God was preparing my heart as I read through this little book again. I thought I was reading it for my daughter’s enjoyment, but actually God used it to remind me of some of the many characteristics I have shared with the main character: Much Afraid.
Yesterday God asked me to surrender yet another dream. At least in my mind it was something that I held as an answer to prayer. I can’t share the details yet, because they are still unfolding … but I will admit that the process wasn’t pretty.
I placed a fleece before the Lord and He MORE than answered it. The moment I realized what I was most likely going to have to do, it almost took my breath and I felt dizzy. Something washed over me and I felt the loss of control. Yes, I was going to have to surrender completely. Interestingly enough, Joni Lamb (co-founder of the Daystar television network) recently shared about her life of surrender last week. I kept asking the Lord why her testimony was making me weep. Seriously, I would weep each morning as I listened to her words. My mind didn’t know what was going on, but my spirit-man did.
The Holy Spirit was in the process of setting everything into motion and I was totally unaware.
Yesterday I grieved over the loss of what I was holding onto so tightly. I wept a lot and was shocked to see that there were still wounds in an area that I thought were healed. But God is digging DEEP this time and exposing what is hidden. The roots will be removed in Jesus’ Name and I am grateful (even if it is painful).
This morning I was thinking over what the next steps would be in the following weeks and suddenly I remembered the book I read to my daughter. Near the end, the main character — Much Afraid — was asked to jump down into the deep dark Canyon of FULL SURRENDER.
I didn’t even remember the name of the canyon! All I knew was that she had to jump into a very uncomfortable place with blind faith, but when I looked to see the name of the canyon — I saw God’s fingerprints all over it!
Canyon of Full Surrender …
WOW! If you had asked me a few weeks ago, I would have thought I was fully surrendered — but God has a way of uncovering wounds if you ask Him. You see, I am in the process of receiving some emotional healing and this is just a very needed part of the process.
Yesterday, after I started putting the pieces of the puzzle together I said, “Ok Father, I will surrender and do what You are asking of me.” Don’t give me credit though … it was a runny nose, sobbing, and but, but, but …. type of thing before I resigned to lay down my own will and trust Him.
In the story, Much Afraid had the companions of Sorrow and Suffering who helped her land in the canyon without many bruises. I can definitely say there has been a lot of sorrow and tons of suffering is behind this situation. Not in my decision, but because of what is behind the reason why I more than hesitated to take this step.
I will be sharing the details as things unfold. Though this is bittersweet, I am starting to feel excitement. The potential of what God has planned is limitless! Though He uses situations we were prefer to avoid, His ways are best.
I appreciate your sweet prayers. I will fill you in on the details soon.
Please find Joni Lamb’s book Surrender All HERE.