Yesterday morning I received the call that my Mom had passed from this life into eternity. She lived 5 weeks and 1 day after my Daddy died. Now they can celebrate their 58th wedding anniversary together on July 3rd (though I doubt time as we know it exists in heaven).
2 Corinthians 5:8
We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.
Though we have watched our Mom absolutely deteriorate over this past year, her passing was unlike my Daddy’s. I knew in my heart that she wanted to die and she was just going to quietly slip away. Daddy fought death with all he had in him. His struggle was traumatic — watching him fight for breath and life.
Months ago, before my Daddy died, God gave me a dream. I was climbing a mountain with my husband and friend. They were scurrying up the mountain ahead of me. I looked behind and I saw my Mom. She stopped below us and said she was tired and couldn’t go any further. Then my Daddy came up behind her and stood with her. I looked back at my husband and friend as they continued forward in their climb, then looked back at my parents. I was torn … do I move forward? How could I leave my parents? I looked at Mama and Daddy and said, “I love you both VERY VERY MUCH!” After I said that, a chasm began to build between us and a holy fog filled the chasm — separating us. I awakened at that point.
This past week I had a dream where I saw my Mom walking around, strong and whole. She has been partially paralyzed since 2001 and has been bedridden since June of last year. God was showing me what was about to take place …
Back to this past weekend. God gave me a great visit with my Mom on Sunday. She sat at her dinning room table and though she really couldn’t eat, she was able to carry on a conversation with me. She had more of a sound mind during this visit than some. I felt like I had a touch of the mother I once knew. I returned to her house on Monday to grocery shop (which was ridiculous because she wasn’t eating). After our visit I looked at my Mom and said, “Mama I love you VERY VERY MUCH!” Time seemed to freeze at that moment. I saw her green eyes peering into mine as she said, “I love you very very much too.” My dream had just played out in front of me and I didn’t even realize it.
I didn’t see my Mom on Tuesday. I spent my day canning more squash, but I did speak to her several times. Of course our calls always ended with, “I love you.”
Wednesday morning I received the call that her caregiver had gone to turn her over and she was no longer with us. My hands began to shake and I couldn’t even figure out how to call my brother and sister. For some reason I was totally shaken versus when my Daddy died (I was mentally prepared and expecting Daddy’s death).
Growing up, I had a tough relationship with my Mom. I loved her, but I bucked against her domineering personality. She loved me — I never really doubted that, but …
She did the best she could — we ALL do. She met my needs and I turned out OK. I knew my parents loved me even if my Mom and I butted heads.
After I married, my Mom and I spent every Saturday together shopping. In the summer months I brought my friends over to float around in my parent’s pool on the weekends. I always managed to find my way back home each week. My parent’s were always so sweet and kind to me and my friends. My Mom loved to play hostess and entertain. We were often prepared yummy tomato sandwiches, chips, and Pepsi colas — delivered to the pool on a tray. We were spoiled rotten!
With maturity I did enjoy my Mom much more. I do have a lot of sweet memories that I will always carry in my heart.
The past couple of weeks she has been pushing me to get some last-minute things accomplished. Thankfully, God allowed me to have my name added to my Mom’s checking before she died. Things fell into place. One of the last times my husband ate at my parent’s house, my Mom told my husband that I was a “God-send” to her and Daddy. I was the only child they had that wasn’t planned by them, but God had a plan.
The last few years I acted as my parent’s power of attorney and basically stepped into a “parent” role with them. There are no words to explain the emotions tied into that transition. Pretty much — HORRIBLE is the best way to describe it! Seeing your parent after their soul is in heaven is bad too. I have looked death in the face twice now in 5 weeks. I have met my quota now for the next 50 years.
Last night was the first night since 2001 that I went to bed without asking God to please protect my parents. It felt so strange not praying for my Mom and for some reason I couldn’t sleep. My mind raced. I slept from 12am until 1am, but I have been awake since. Sigh. I am typing this at 4am.
Now my Mom is gone from this earth. Our family home will never be the same. I even caught myself starting to pick up the phone and tell her something late yesterday.
I miss my parents already and I look forward to the day when we all hold hands again.
This last photo was of my Grandmother and my Mom (who was then carrying for her mother). They are together again.
I appreciate your prayers.