I’ll take a side of mercy with that grace please.


Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

It was during the darkest time of my life that I stumbled upon this scripture.   I was 18 and suddenly my entire world was flipped upside down.  I couldn’t live a normal life any longer and I didn’t know what had hit me.  Out of nowhere I started having panic attacks.  I went from a carefree teenager to someone covered by a cloud of darkness, fear, and bondage.   I lost all peace and was tormented day and night.

I was a Christian.

I had accepted Jesus as my Savior at age 11, but had lived a very worldly life as a  teen.   I had opened a lot of ungodly spiritual doors without knowing or understanding there were spiritual consequences in our lives.   Just as Joyce Meyer said, “I had enough of Jesus to get into heaven, but not enough of Him to walk in victory!”  <—- Tweet this by clicking here.

It was then that I grasped for help, truth, relief …  I felt like I was losing my sanity and God was my ONLY hope.  My parents didn’t know how to help me and I had absolutely no spiritual mentors in my life.   The only adults in my life were from traditional churches and they didn’t understand spiritual warfare.   The only way my parents knew to help was to send me to a psychiatrist who placed me on Zanax.   (Guess, what — that didn’t help either and actually made things worse.)

During that season I began to read God’s Word and devour it.   Kenneth and Gloria Copeland’s ministry came on TV each morning and by the grace of God it caught my attention.   It was there that I learned the truth that I was being attacked by a spirit of fear — a demon.   Back then I just thought demons were in hell with satan.  I didn’t realize how involved they are in our lives today.

It was through the Copeland’s ministry that I learned my authority as a believer and that I had authority over the demons tormenting me.    During that season of drinking in the Word of God I learned the scripture from Hebrews 4:16!

Honestly, it still amazes me if I stop to think about it all.   The God of all creation allows ME — someone who has been full of sin throughout my life — to approach HIM with boldness and confidence.  Wow.  What mercy and grace our Father has for us!   I don’t know about you, but I am grateful for the blood that Jesus shed on the cross for me.  It is only because of His blood that I can be in relationship with God the Father.

If you were raised by a critical parent, you may view your Heavenly Father as a critical parent too — not welcoming your presence at His Throne.

May I tell you as one who has overcome a LOT?

God’s Word is truth.

What we see isn’t necessarily true.  What we feel is often deceptive.  But no matter what – God’s Word is true!   When we read in Hebrews 4 that we may approach God, then know that you can.   We can run to Him.

I hope this encourages someone today!

Oh, and for those who may be new here, there is a happy ending to the struggles with that demon of fear.  God set me free!  I had to stand on God’s Word and resist that demon to break free.   But I am free and no longer feel that torment of anxiety and terrible foreboding.  If I can help you, please let me know.  What God did for me He will do for you.

I am linking with Jane from Girl Meets Paper.   Please click on her button below to join along or visit:



  1. Beth, You have such a powerful testimony! Thank you for courageously sharing it here. I’m sure there are many people who have been or who are in the same position, thinking they must be losing their minds instead of recognizing the powerful reality of spiritual warfare. Your words of healing and boldness before the throne are lovely. Thanks so much for joining today’s Meditation! (linky should be fixed now :)

  2. Oh girl, what God can do with people who choose to believe that all He says is true. I am thankful for the freedom God has brought you, the power to conquer fear, and the deep and abiding JOY in knowing that you are His!

  3. Wow. Just wow. What an awesome testimony!

    My hubby and I were raised in completely different types of churches (him – traditional; me – waaaayyy charismatic) and so we’ve had many conversations about this. I’m loving watching him slowly (very slowly) come to understand more about spiritual warfare.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us!

    • I totally understand. Though my husband and I were both from Baptist backgrounds, I became a Bapticostal (ha) as I hungered for more of God.

      Thank you for visiting me.

  4. You always bless, love that picture.

    • Thank you dear Denise!

  5. I developed an anxiety disorder as an adult and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It came out of the blue!! I’m so thankful He cares about each and every aspect of our lives and tends to them beautifully! I’m claiming truth and clinging desperately to it.

    • That attack hit me out of the blue too. Satan does not play fair. His Word is more truth than anything we can feel in the attack. I am claiming complete freedom with you Stefanie. Bless you!

  6. Thank you for sharing this… you are an inspiration to many people beautiful Beth… xoxo

    • You’re so sweet Pam. Thank you!

  7. An anxiety attack is very scary when your body seemingly betrays you and you have no idea what is going on!

    I still get the occasional attack from time to time. Usually it’s just a matter of my body going into panic mode but my mind and spirit are at peace. But once or twice it’s been pretty miserable but God brought me through.

    It only happens a couple of times a year but I am very thankful for a Lord Who is there for me!

    • I’m glad you don’t have them often Nan and I look forward to the day when you say they are gone forever. The Lord is definitely always with you. Bless you!


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