Hi Mama and Daddy,

I’m sure you are completely unaware of how much time has passed since you left this earthly realm.  It seems like you were just here — yet your passing could have been a lifetime ago.

I have pretty much moved on with my life, but moments like this week when I stumbled upon a lot of your paperwork — I cried.  Of course I am NO HELP to Kathy when we meet to “clean out” your house.  I start finding things and reminiscing … totally blocking any well intended efforts we had.   Yep, again, I cried.    Oh, the worst sob I have had lately was finding the letters you wrote my daughter on her first birthday.   What treasures those letters are to us!

Jenn has a picture of you two as her cover photo on Facebook and each time I see it I am taken back to that day.  It was the day that you, Daddy, really started feeling weak.  So much so, that you forfeited the chance to enter your home-place again for the reunion.    Photos of you two near the end of your earthly lives take me back to the feelings that were surrounding those times.   I don’t like it, yet I can’t escape it.   I still can’t stand looking at the pharmacies where I picked up your medications.  Just looking at their drive-thru lines gives me the icks …

I HATE that your winter years were such a struggle.

I HATE that there was so much pain — emotionally and physically.

I dreamed about you two Tuesday night and I dreamed about Uncle Hunter and Grandmother K.    It made me wonder if Uncle Hunter would be joining you soon — but truly, I have had enough funerals for a while.  Uncle Tag died in just a couple of months after you.  Mama, Kathy and I both felt like we needed to call you and tell how wonderful the gatherings have been with Aunt Jane. She has been such a great source of comfort and the one who is keeping the family connected.   You would have wanted to hear every detail.

I have played with the idea of writing what it was like to watch both of you whither away.  When you both became feeble it was a shock to my system.   What child wants to become the parent?  And what parents wants their child to be responsible for them?  It was a difficult trade-off to say the least.   I felt sorry for you two and I felt sorry for myself …

I think I will forever have the images of those last days etched in my memory.  The pity of it all — the weakness … the fear … the grieving.  I am SO grateful that you two are free from all of that now.

Daddy, Katherine had a vision on May 8th — the day you died.  She saw what was about to transpire.  She saw Jesus carrying you and placing you between two angels.   Mama, your death was quite a shock!  I knew you were very weak, but you never even needed oxygen.  At least when Daddy had difficulty breathing we knew he had moved on to a closer step to dying, but you just seemed to remain in that same state of limbo.   I shook so hard when I received the call of your passing that I couldn’t even think of how to contact Doug and Kathy.   It was crazy how it could have taken us so off guard.  But even in it all, God was with us.

He is helping each of us as we work through our grief.  Most days, like I said before – I am busy with my own little family.   But sometimes something happens and I think, “Mama would love this!”  For instance, we are building a screened-in porch just to house the wicker furniture you left me!  I keep thinking how excited you would be about that Mama.  I am carrying on the tradition of porch living!   Daddy, I think of sharing food with you when I cook some of your favorites.  I guess old habits take a little longer to break.

May I just confess how much I DETEST this whole role of executor?  You know I hate business and I hate being responsible for the estate to be handled and closed.   Both Doug and Kathy know more about the property and probably understand it all better than me.  But alas … I plug along.  I guess this will eventually be behind us all.

I hope your headstone comes in soon.  Mama, you made me promise that I would put red flowers on it at Christmas!  I haven’t forgotten.

On a brighter note, I do rejoice that you two fully understand how much God loves you.  No more rejection or insecurity in your lives.  You are whole, strong, and at peace.   That gives me peace as well.

I love you both and I guess I will miss you until we are reunited again.

Your daughter,
Beth

Today I’m linking with the beautiful Faith Barista, Bonnie Gray, for her Faith Jam Thursdays.  She asked us to write a letter to someone we love.   Would you like to play along?  Just click on her button below and join us.